Thursday, September 18, 2008

Water, Water Everywhere

Hurricane Ike came through last weekend and devastated southeast Texas and even caused some havoc in Louisiana. Thanks to Joan, here are some photos of Manchac. Manchac is a small fishing village between New Orleans and Hammond. There is a great seafood restaurant there called Middendorf's that I took Bill to last year when we were visiting. There is really nothing on I-55 on the 30 mile trip between LaPlace and Hammond except Manchac. You're just driving along over water for miles and then all of a sudden there's this little place with the restaurant. The white building is the original restaurant. If you look at the window all the way on the right, that's where we were sitting. Even though it's literally in the middle of nowhere, after a few years they couldn't handle the volume in the restaurant and opened the brown building across the parking lot. So the same restaurant operates in two different buildings less than 100 yards from each other!

The pictures after that are from Texas. Then the final picture is a happy one after all of the devastation. It's of my two favorite football players in the world!




















The Original Middendorf's

The new Middendorf's

Photo Smiley N. Pool - AP

Source: Reuters/NASA

Source: STR/AFP: Getty Images


Photo Emmitt Hawks - US Navy

Photo David J. Phillip - AP

Photo Eric Gay - AP

Photo Carlos Barria - Reuters
Photo Kevin M. Cox - AP


Photo L.M. Otero - AP

Photo David J. Phillip - AP

Photo David J. Phillip

Photo David J. Phillip

Photo David J. Phillip


Photo Richard Alan Hannon - AP

Photo Alex Brandon - AP

Photo Smiley N. Pool

Photo Scott Olson

Photo L.M. Otero - AP


Photo Smiley N. Pool - AP

Photo Tony Gutierrez - AP

Photo Mark Wilson

Photo David J. Phillip - AP

Photo Matt Slocum - AP


Photo Tony Gutierrez - AP

Photo David J. Phillip

Photo Matt Slocum - AP


Photo Eric Gay - AP


Photo U.S. Air Force Staff Sgt. James L. Harper, Jr. - Reuters
And, finally, a photo of my two favorite football players in the whole world, my nephews Jacob and Matty!
Photo their Mom Rebecca

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

What's In My Inbox

I’ve actually gotten this from a number of people, so I almost didn’t post it, but it’s kind of clever so I’ll go ahead and offer it for those who might have missed it. With apologies to David Letterman, here are the:

----------------------------------------

Top Ten Reasons Hurricane Season Is Like Christmas

Number Ten:
Decorating the house (with plywood).

Number Nine:
Dragging out boxes that haven't been used since last season.

Number Eight:
Last minute shopping in crowded stores.

Number Seven:
Regular TV shows pre-empted for 'Specials.'

Number Six:
Family coming to stay with you.

Number Five:
Family and friends from out of state calling you.

Number Four:
Buying food you don't normally buy . . . and in large quantities.

Number Three:
Days off from work.

Number Two:
Candles.

And the Number One reason Hurricane Season is like Christmas:
At some point you're probably going to have a tree in your house!

'Life isn't about how to survive the storm, But how to dance in the rain.'
And...we might as well laugh!!!!

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Always Something There To Remind Me

Bill's nephews Mikey and Matt went to an 80's themed party with their friends recently. I happened to be over there while they were getting ready and, being a child of the 80s myself, was able to offer a few tips. Unfortunately, not all of my advice was followed, most notably my suggestion to Steve that he go home and change into pants that weren't so tight that they made him look like John Travolta's gay cousin. After all, that would be from the 70s! But by and large, I think the kids looked good. These photos were taken with my cell phone camera so the quality's pretty poor.



Isn't She Pretty In Pink?
(Mikey & Taryn)



Parents Just Don't Understand
(Steve, Mikey, Dianne & Matt [with Joey in the background])




Just A Gigolo
(Dianne, Matt & Taryn)



Don't Worry, Be Happy
(Mikey & Steve)




Baby When You Call Me You Can Call Me Al
(Mikey)


The Boys Of Summer
(Mikey, Steve & Matt)



Everybody Wang Chung Tonight
(Steve, Dianne, Mikey, Matt & Taryn)

Friday, September 12, 2008

The Weekly Roundup

Vicious Weather
Hurricane Ike could be 'catastrophe' for Texas
This thing doesn’t look good at all. It’s been a long time since the poor people in Texas have been hit with a major storm, as evidenced by the number of people I saw on the news who live near the coast and are just planning on “riding it out.” Too many apathetic people said that three years ago in New Orleans, and many of them aren’t around to appreciate how foolhardy that was. Good luck to them.
(Reuters)

Remember
President Dedicates Memorial to Attack
My older relatives always told me that no one would ever forget where they were and what they were doing when President Kennedy was shot. I never really understood what they meant by that until the morning of September 11, 2001. Now I understand completely.
(The New York Times)

Profiles in Threat
Rules would bolster FBI’s effort to assess threats
I understand the ACLU’s concern about racial profiling, really I do. But as part of a totality of suspicion, I don’t know that it’s a completely out of bounds thing. This might sound strange, but if everyone is racially profiled equally, doesn’t that constitute equal protection under the constitution? We need to set aside the atrocities of the past and focus on what can help to keep us safe now. Old time lynchings are a thing of the past; they’re not coming back; we’ve moved beyond that; any intelligent person knows this. But if the fact that I am a white man when added to a formula that smart people have developed gives authorities reason to question me, then I can’t have problems with that. As long as I am free to avail myself of the entire justice system, and as long as the justice system works as it is supposed to, then I’m covered.
(Kansas City Star)

Dan Quayle Redux
Palin confused on Social Security, other issues
Maybe it’s all that lead they have in lipstick, but I agree with this columnist that an Alaskan governor running for Vice President ought to be much better versed in how entitlement programs run, particularly the ones that run in her state. And when asked a question of fact, whether she thinks that homosexuality is genetic or learned, she said it’s not her place to “judge” people. I don’t get that at all. I’m starting to have very serious doubts about Governor Palin.
(Chicago Sun Times)

Start With a Bang
Super-smasher targets massive mystery
How cool is this? Scientists have actually come up with a machine that’s going to simulate conditions that led to the creation of the universe. Unless you believe the whole “let there be light” thing. This could lead to an entire new universe of discovery: why and how the galaxies, sun and planets formed the way they did; where moons come from and what they do; what’s the deal with gravity; why do the release of certain chemicals affect the atmosphere. Or it might create black holes that will destroy the planet. Sleep well.
(MSNBC)

Doubt for a Reason?
Troy Anthony Davis' execution stands, Georgia parole board says
I admit I don’t know much about this case, and this article certainly doesn’t go into a whole lot of detail, but I intend to do some research and find out more. But if it can be shown that 7 out of 9 witnesses would give substantively different testimony, or in some cases diametrically opposed testimony, to what they did at the original trial, and police coersion is asserted, then isn’t it possible to think that a jury would reach an entirely different conclusion than they did in 1989? And isn’t that the point of the whole appeals process? I’m not against capital punishment per se, but I believe that we should suspend every currently scheduled execution until the system can be fixed to ensure, to the best of our ability, that no innocent person is ever put to death. For example, I think that any new technology that could potentially offer new information in the case of a condemned person, put into use after that person’s conviction, should be available to the defense between the time of trial and execution. There are tons of advocacy groups that would gladly donate the money to apply these new methods after the fact. And, at the very least, difficult though it may be, we should insist that mind-boggling, complex modern technology like Microsoft Calendar be used to make sure that a Supreme Court appeal is not scheduled to be heard SIX DAYS AFTER the scheduled execution. I mean. Come on. Seriously?
(Los Angeles Times)

You’ve Got Compulsion
Email Addiction: Five Signs You Need Help
I’d write more about this, but I’ve got yahoo, hotmail, gmail, aol, myspace and facebook messages waiting.
(IT World)

Gimme an N! Gimme a U! Gimme a T!
Mom allegedly uses daughter's ID to be cheerleader
Here’s a family that needs Dr. Phil desperately. On second thought, I doubt Dr. Phil would do them much good. This woman probably needs to be in an institution. Can you even imagine going to high school and your mother’s in the popular clique? It would make for awkward cafeteria seating arrangements, that’s for sure.
(Associated Press)

My Turn
Cassel has been a study in patience for the Patriots
On September 23, 2001 an unknown second-year quarterback was thrust into the starting position for the New England Patriots after Drew Bledsoe left the game against the New York Jets due to internal bleeding. Tom Brady didn’t do much that year, unless you count leading his team to and winning the Super Bowl a worthy accomplishment. This weekend, we begin the process of seeing if Matt Cassel can match the success of his mentor. Go Pats!
(The Providence Journal)

Get Outta My Face
Kanye West arrested in airport dustup with paps
You know, if you don’t want whackjobs accosting you in the airport and taking your picture, you can always be a dental hygienist. Or a florist. Or an engineer. Or a bricklayer. Or an administrative assistant. You don’t have to make millions of dollars by screeching bad songs.
(Associated Press)

Thursday, September 11, 2008

McCain - FAIL

I’m so sick of politics. Actually, that’s not entirely correct. I’m more sick of politicians than I am of actual politics. And considering that it’s going to be nothing but politics from now until November 4th, this is a bad time to be sick of politicians.

But I am.

And I don’t know why I’m surprised and disappointed.

But I am.

Maybe I’m an idealist, but every election since I’ve begun to vote, I’ve expected and anticipated issues-driven, substantive campaigns. And every election since I’ve begun to vote, I’ve gotten exactly the opposite. Elections in this country, and the presidential election in particular, seem to be much less about who is the most intelligent, the most enlightened, the strongest leader, the greatest visionary. Instead, what you have is a person trying to convince you that the other person or people are not worthy.

The message that I get from candidates in any election can usually be summed up as: “Maybe I suck, BUT THEY SUCK WAY WORSE.”

Is this acceptable to honest, intelligent, hard-working people? Because to me, I got enough of trash talk about people in high school; I really don’t need it anymore. Maybe people revert when they get the national spotlight on the political scene. I don’t know, because I cannot name a single politician in recent memory that has impressed me as anything better than an insincere panderer. Because what these politicians do is say whatever they feel will garner them support among the voters. Truth, research, enlightenment be damned! If they feel that it will cause people to look at their opponents in a negative light, they will say it.

Apathy is our biggest problem. I am always dismayed when I express these feelings to people whom I feel are intelligent, and get the stock response, “well, what do you expect?” with a look of defeat on their faces.

I just want to scream, “Wake up people!” They are talking to US! WE are the ones who have to demand better, and we don’t. Us. Average Americans. The people that are “served” by the politicians. Unfortunately, very few Americans actually care enough about these elections to demand better.

And the ones who do care are the ones who eat this stuff as though it were nectar from the gods.

Did you see and hear the reactions of the delegates at the conventions? Hanging on the every empty word of these people. It doesn’t even seem like they cared what the words actually were, because not a single one of them said anything worth listening to. Their celebrities were talking, and that’s all they cared about. I remember one woman interviewed at the end of Barack Obama’s acceptance speech, and she didn’t talk about the speech at all. All she talked about was how when she was a young woman, she couldn’t even vote because she was a black woman, and now a black man is running for president. She became so emotional she broke down and walked away from the interviewer. I got the impression that Obama could have been proposing a special tax on black women and it wouldn’t have made a single difference to her. It was the same way when Sarah Palin spoke at the Republican convention. People in that audience’s eyes were almost glowing as if they were standing in front of the Pope himself giving a speech. What was especially interesting about that is I’ll bet at least 80% of the people in that audience had never even heard of Sarah Palin until a few days before that speech. I mean, honestly. How many average Americans can even name two past Alaskan governors? And here they are treating her as though she is the Second Coming.

I think a lot of this stems from lack of choices. We have two parties in this country, and I will get into my hatred of the two-party system in a later post. Tonight, I am so angry at the McCain campaign I can’t think of anything else.

I have heard nothing substantive from either of the two major presidential candidates. I’ve heard some ideas, like taxes should be lowered, our troops should come home from war, the economy should be stimulated, change is good, change is bad, whatever. How any of this is to be accomplished remains a mystery. Most of what I’ve heard can only be described as mudslinging.

OK, let’s say for the sake of argument, well what do you expect? They all do it; they’ll all continue to do it; nothing I write or say will make that change, at least for this election. So go ahead, do the smear thing, tell us why Obama sucks, if you’re McCain. Or, if you happen to be Obama, tell us why McCain sucks.

But when you get nit-picky, you lose me.

When you turn obviously viciously nit-picky, you aggravate me.

When you knowingly make unsubstantiated allegations just for the fact that your base of supporters will latch onto it as fact without bothering to check the truthfulness of your allegation, you are scum.

And when you get hypocritical, you completely turn me against you.

Up until now both campaigns have been doing a magnificent, and pretty equal, job of reinforcing my belief that every intelligent person in this country should move to Mexico and live like royalty on $11 a day.

But the McCain campaign has crossed the line. When you’re vicious and mean and twist the truth to suit your purposes, it’s one thing. But my biggest pet peeve is hypocrisy. I think that hypocrites are the ultimate anti-humans. Hate black people? That’s fine. Hate women? Okay. Hate gays? Go for it. Hate Asians, Hispanics, Canadians, New Yorkers, South Africans, Italians, Greeks? Why not?

It’s your right as an American. No one can make you love, or even respect, your fellow man. It doesn’t mean that I agree with you, or even like you. But I respect your beliefs, until you make me believe otherwise. You hate black people? Fine. But walk out of the interview when you find out that your potential boss is a black man; don’t sit there and kiss his ass in the hopes of appearing to be what you are not. The same goes for anyone who harbors hate against any person or group of people, or even all people. Some are what I like to call equal opportunity bigots and hate everyone equally.

That’s probably the most despicable example of hypocrisy, lying when it suits you. Another example of hypocrisy is when you condemn someone for saying something that YOU YOURSELF HAVE SAID. But this is entirely what John McCain’s campaign did today.

When talking about McCain as an agent of change, Obama said, “That's not change. That's just calling the same thing something different. But you know, you can put lipstick on a pig; it's still a pig. You can wrap an old fish in a piece of paper and call it change; it's still going to stink.” That the McCain campaign interpreted that statement as an attack on Sarah Palin is absurd. It shows me that the #1 priority of the McCain campaign is to tear down Barack Obama, not to extoll the virtues and ideas of Senator McCain.

Read the story here.

It is often said that, as Americans, what unites us is much greater than what divides us. Let’s start talking about what unites us and how the candidates will enhance that part of America for each of us. Oh, and while I’m pissed off at the Republican ticket tonight, let me state that it’s more divisive than unitive to make rape victims pay for their own rape test kits, Mayor Palin. I’m just saying.

Groan
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Tales of the T




Verbose
So tonight I’m riding the orange line around 9:00 heading home from giving a presentation on small business marketing to a group of Christian entrepreneurs. I’m always nervous when I’m asked to be a guest speaker, because I worry that I won’t have enough to say. As usual, however, I went on for way longer than they wanted me to. They asked me to speak for 30 minutes with another 30 minutes for group discussion; I ended up speaking for about 50 minutes and then did 30 minutes of group discussion. Even though I went way over, I only lost one! One lady who makes calendars had to leave about 10 minutes before we finished. Anyhow, I digress.

Whino
After the presentation I was wiped out and looking forward to a nice, quiet trip home. I got on the orange line at State Street, and I was surprised how many people were on the train at that time of night. I guess more people are taking public transit nowadays because of the high gas prices. Anyhow, I was standing near the back of the car and seated near me were a young 20-something couple and their 2 or so year old daughter. The girl was very manic. She was standing on her daddy’s legs and she was going from bouncing up and down on him laughing and giggling to pouting to whining to screaming back to laughing, all in the space of a minute. This went on for several minutes, with the parents offering encouragement while she was happy and the dad ignoring and the mom voicing frustration while she was whiny and screamy.

Smackdown
Finally, in frustration, the girl slapped her dad, not hard, just kind of a smack. This brought her scolding from both parents and the cycle repeated again, with the slapping becoming a permanent part of it between the screaming and the laughing. Then, during one of the cycles, she smacked a guy standing on the train next to them. I was prepared for fisticuffs to ensue, but it became immediately apparent that the guy was with them, either a friend or brother of the dad. He tickled the girl and then said something about her dad teaching her bad things, then he proceeded to play slap the dad! Then the dad play slapped the friend and they went back and forth for a minute laughing and joking, and the mom joined right in!

Not As I Do
I know these kids were young, and this is most likely their first, and right now only, child, but can’t they understand the cause/effect of their behavior? How are they supposed to tell their daughter that it’s not okay to hit, even in jest, when they are doing it right in front of her? I hope that these parents wake up and learn the “lead by example” lesson before the girl gets big enough to do some real damage.

Etc
Summer's in full swing in Stoneham. The pool's open, feels great, and I'm remembering why I like summer (sometimes).

The web site project is up and running. Now to get people signed up for it...

I have this recurring dream where I wake up and Jesse Jackson is standing over me with a carving knife. That's not weird, is it?

Groan (tonight's is particularly relevant with the presidential campaign in full swing)
Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

Monday, July 7, 2008

What's In My Inbox

You've probably gotten these "warning" type e-mails before: don't flash your lights at cars that don't have their headlights on because they might be gang members and kill you; don't stop your car to check out a flyer stuck to your back window because it might be a carjacker; don't pull over for an unmarked cop car flashing blue lights; don't accept any wooden nickels; don't leave your house on any night with a full moon when it's foggy and at least two American league leaders are playing under-.500 National league teams; don't fear the reaper; etc.

And thanks to my good friend James Everett McPherson III (aka "Flea") we now have reason to fear Home Depot. Well, maybe "fear" isn't the right word. Read on...

---------------------------------------------

Be Careful - A 'heads up' for those men who may be regular Home Depot customers.

Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naïve enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends. Here's how the scam works: Two very hot 20-21 year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your stuff into the trunk. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts.

It is impossible not to look. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' and instead they ask you for a ride to Lowe's. You agree and they get in the backseat. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet.

I had my wallet stolen March 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th & 29th. Also April 1st, 4th, twice on the 8th, 16th, 23rd, 26th, 30th, three times last Saturday and very likely again this upcoming weekend.

So tell your friends to be careful.

P.S. WalMart has wallets on sale, $2.99 each.

-----------------------------------------------

Thanks for the "warning" Flea! Anyone need some molding or a new leaf blower??

Sunday, June 29, 2008

Oh Captain, My Captain

I don't really have anything interesting to post today, so here is a picture of a baby driving a sailboat, courtesy of Brian Jones. Enjoy!

Friday, June 27, 2008

The Weekly Roundup

Unity in Unity
Party Unity in NH, as Clinton Talks and Obama Says "She Rocks"
Did he say she sucks? No, he meant she ROCKS. Yeah, that’s what he said. She just doesn’t rock enough to be vice president. At least she better not.
(Washington Post)

Maybe Ken Is Right
Salmonella Tomato Outbreak Biggest Ever
My friend Ken won’t eat red food and has a particular distaste for tomatoes in any form. And his beautiful wife, Bette, is a great Italian cook! He actually will eat marinara but not ketchup or any other type of tomato based food product. Does this mean that Ken is now the safest person in the country, at least when it comes to food poisoning?
(WebMD)

Good Use of Tax Dollars
Scientist Is Paid Millions by U.S. in Anthrax Suit
First the FBI wastes millions of dollars to investigate this man whose only suspicious behavior, as far as I can tell, is that some in the media speculated that he might be involved. Now, we get to pay out millions more to settle a lawsuit by this guy. Once again, taxpayers get screwed on the front end and the back end. Neither is as appealing as it sounds.
(New York Times)

A Little Sex
Judge orders TMZ to remove sex tape of actor Verne Troyer
“Mini Me” got carried away with his ex and decided to make a sex tape. Either this is a publicity stunt or Mr. Troyer is a moron. Doesn’t he know that EVERYBODY’s sex tape eventually ends up on TMZ?
(Los Angeles Times)

Shooting Down Gun Restrictions
NRA sues San Francisco over guns in public housing
Wow, the NRA wastes no time, do they? This is good news, because just the other day I was thinking that what our housing projects need more of is handguns.
(San Francisco Chronicle)

Muskrat Love
Burrowing muskrat causes levee to fail in Missouri
Another shining success by our beloved Army Corps of Engineers! You gotta love Linda Wilmesherr’s quote in the third paragraph. I guess the NRA didn’t work fast enough for poor Linda.
(The Associated Press)

Despicable
Millionaire gets 40 months for enslaving maids
The Golden Rule clearly doesn’t apply in the Sabhnani household.
(CNN)

Hey Little Girl, Want Some Budweiser?
Study: Many Underage Drinkers Get Free Alcohol From Adults
When I was a kid, my dad and uncles had this little game going where nephews and nieces were always offered beers, but sons and daughters weren’t. For example, when the party was at our house, my dad wouldn’t let my teenage brothers and sister drink, but he’d offer my teenage cousins beers, and the situation would be reversed when the party was at my uncles’ houses. I always thought it was funny. My Uncle Johnny first offered me a beer when I was like 14. My dad had a fit.
(ABC News)

Same Old Song And Dance
Steven Tyler Says He Needed to Kick Pain and Sleep Drugs
Let’s hope it takes this time.
(People)

Pathetic
Bride-to-Be Takes a Chance on eBay for a Bidding Bridesmaid
This sounds like a story more suited for The National Enquirer than the New York Times, but there it is. Some loser is paying $5,700 to stand in some strangers’ wedding. How pathetic do you have to be to bid on something like that? Probably at least as pathetic as people who auction off a spot in their wedding party to the entire world. Kelly Gray is the bride-to-be. “I know some people out there are crazy,” Ms. Gray said. “We just want anybody who is willing to have fun. We’re fun, and we’re hoping someone won’t come in and ruin it for us.” I don’t know, but if I spent almost 6 grand to stand in some loser’s wedding plus had to pay the travel expenses and all that, I’d have a strong urge to start a naked conga line at the reception. Or even possibly during the ceremony. Good luck to Ms. Gray and her (has to be) embarrassed groom-to-be.
(New York Times)

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

George W. Bush Stimulates Me

Got my notification today. I owe the US government $600 less than I would have normally. Since I’m employed on contract, and pay my taxes directly to the government, I don’t actually get a check, but a “credit” that will be applied to my second quarter payment. Whatever. I guess it all comes out in the wash, but it’s a lot easier to spend money that you’re given, not that you don’t have to pay.

See, that’s the whole point of this advance rebate: to stimulate the economy. So, I hope that you’re not thinking about doing something foolish with your rebate, like paying credit card bills or beefing up your 401(k). No, no, no. This thing is only going to work if we all go out and spend the entire amount on frivolous items. It’s what real Americans are going to do.

In The West Wing episode “Stirred,” Charlie gets upset that his tax refund is several hundred dollars less than he is expecting. When Leo explains that the rebate he got the previous year had to be paid for, he correctly labels it as an advance, not a rebate. Leo scolds him, saying, “That doesn’t sound like very patriotic talk to me, Charlie,” to which Charlie replies, “It’s not!” Leo asks Charlie what he did with his “rebate” check.

Charlie: I paid down my Visa bill.
Leo: We’d have preferred you ate in a restaurant or traveled.
Charlie: Me, too.
[Bartlet walks in]
Leo: He used the rebate to pay his Visa bill.
Bartlet (to Charlie): A trip to Banana Republic would have killed you?

Later, Charlie asks Bartlet if the plan to stimulate the economy worked.

Bartlet (sighing): No, most people did what you did, put it in the bank or paid down debt.
Charlie: We don’t want people to save, or reduce their personal debt?
Bartlet: We do, but when the next guy’s president.
Charlie: Why not just wait until people were supposed to get the money?
Bartlet: The economy might have improved on its own by then.
Charlie: Which would have made the whole thing pointless to begin with.
Bartlet: Yep.
Charlie: Economists just kind of make it up as they go along, don’t they?
Bartlet: Yep.

So it turns out the whole thing was a political ploy to spend your money to give back money that you were entitled to anyway, several months before you were entitled to it, in order to take credit for an improving economy that probably would have improved without government interference anyway.

Is life imitating art here? We’ll see. If McCain declares the stimulus program a success and Obama a failure, we’ll have our answer.

Etc.
“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”
George Denis Patrick Carlin, 1937-2008
Thanks for the laughter, and the absurdity.
RIP

Groan
An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

Friday, June 6, 2008

A Fun Time

I keep waiting to post the pictures of the Third Annual Yankee Boil until I have time to write about it, but doesn't seem like that's happening anytime soon, so here are the photos. I'm not going to bother explaining who any of these people are or we'll be here all night. I'm sure I'll write about most of these people sooner or later and you can come back and reference. Haha.

Anyhow, without further ado, I give you the photos from the Third Annual Yankee Boil held May 24th, 2008 at our house in Stoneham, MA. These yankees love their crawfish! The photos are in no order except how they came out as I was uploading them.



Taylor & Steve


The birthday photo (every year, we have a cake and get a photo of all the people who have birthdays in May).


Taylor as The Thinker (Taylor was drunk and being a little silly. We like Taylor).


Mikey messing with Dev. Dev wasn't feeling well. I wonder if the hurricanes, cyclones, hand grenades and tropical itches had anything to do with that. Hmmmmm


Rubbing the drunk's head for good luck


This girl won the junior miss massachusetts title the next day. That head rubbing really works!


Bill showing some newbies how to enjoy the crawfish


Steve & Keith


The obligatory crawfish boil table shot



Mikey & Taryn (I think this is a cute picture)


Nancy & Bob


Nicky, Dianne & Maria


Eatin' good in the neighborhood!


A fun group posing with their commemorative t-shirts. Bill did a good job on the t's.


Kattttttttttthhhhhhhhhhhhyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!


Kay & Dave


Matt & Robbie and some of their pals


I guess I surprised Matt with this picture


Michael (this kid worked his butt off helping us get ready)

Yes, we grill, too, and Mike is the Grillmaestro!

Harvey & Binnie with Bub

As the daylight winds down, the karaoke begins!

Which one's Hall and which one's Oates?

I will explain who Roxanne is cuz this is funny. Our next door neighbors Donald and Ilene (I've written about them before, in the Halloween post, Joey is their 4-year-old son) had their son Josh's first birthday party the same day and time as the boil. Josh is the baby boy that Lisa's holding in the birthday photo. So we were all kind of going back and forth between the two parties most of the afternoon. Roxanne is the girlfriend or fiancee of Ilene's brother, and they were spending the night at Don and Ilene's. When our party began to devolve into a karaokefest, Roxanne heard us and came running over in her pajama bottoms declaring her love for karaoke. So she and Bob did several duets for our entertainment. Between the karaoke and messing with the passed out Devon, we were having fun late into the night!

Bub The Chefmizzer (the most popular guy at the party)

Deana & Evan

Taryn's delicious crawfish cake!

Matt with his parents, Di and Mike

Lots and lots to eat!
It was a fun party, most everybody that said they were coming came, and we are eagerly looking forward to next year. And I'm sure we'll do it again; even though it's always been hell trying to get the crawfish up here, and this year was no exception (put it this way, Bub and I were at Continental Air Cargo at 11:30 the night before picking them up), it's always a lot of fun and people love it and they eat and eat and eat. That's all the validation I need!

Monday, May 12, 2008

What's In My Inbox

Good evening. We all get stuff over e-mail that is worth sharing. For my money, 99% of the jokes, political messages, religious messages, friendship ditties, and that stupid thing where Bill Gates is going to pay me like a hundred million dollars for clicking on a link are pretty benign. Rarely, however, something clever catches my eye. I can never be sure that the people who supposedly wrote these actually wrote these or how many edits they go through before they get to me, so I can’t warranty that any of this is true, so I hereby release myself from all responsibility for anything that may or may not happen to you ever in your life. Your further reading of my blog, indifferent to the fact that you may or may not have read this particular entry, indicates your acceptance of these terms. There, that should cover it.

What I can promise you, however, is that I will post e-mails that I receive exactly as they are sent to me. I will not edit the text of any e-mail before posting it on this blog. That I can assure you. I may feel the urge to comment within the text of the e-mail. If I add comments, I will add them in different color text and notify you in the post.

And it won’t just be the forwarded generic things that I will post. From time to time I might post an especially funny, moving, or insightful personal message. If I do that, I will not identify the author without first notifying him or her. So be forewarned if you decide to send me e-mail, that your e-mail might end up being read by a worldwide audience of four or five!

For our first installment of WIMI, I’ve chosen a new take on these “look what kids wrote” kind of things. I’ve never seen this one before. If you have, oh well. I apologize. Just go on to the next thing you have to do. I never promised original entries every time. Who am I, William Safire?

But I digress. Some of these are pretty clever. I particularly enjoyed Kelvin’s answer, the last one. Enjoy!

PS OK I just realized that Bill Gates actually could give me several million dollars just for clicking on a link and it would be to him as it is to me when a quarter falls through a spot in my car and I don’t even bother to go after it. Now I’m irritated.

Anyhow, enjoy the post:

-----


HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (Written by kids)

You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. - Alan, age 10

No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with. - Kristen, age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then. - Camille, age 10

No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married. - Freddie, age 6 (very wise for his age)

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. - Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MUM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

Both don't want any more kids. - Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. - Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)

On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.- Martin, age 10 (very perceptive!)

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?

I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns. -Craig, age 9

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

When they're rich. - Pam, age 7

The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that. - Curt, age 7

The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do. - Howard, age 8

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. - Anita, age 9 (bless you child)

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?

There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there? - Ricky, age 8

And the #1 Favourite is........

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck. - Kelvin, age 10

Friday, May 9, 2008

The Weekly Roundup

Super Duper
Obama steams toward Democratic nomination as Clinton's bid falters
How does one get appointed a “superdelegate?” And why the hell hold primaries that don’t count? What is going on with the Democratic party?
(International Herald Tribune)

Causing A Stink
Body of woman, 90, found on toilet in inhabited Wis. Home
In Kansas, a live woman sat on a toilet for two years. In Wisconsin, it seems like they don’t remove them even after they’re dead. Totally creepy.
(Associated Press)

Shady Dealings
Calls mount for Olmert's resignation
Political corruption goes on even in the Holy Land, it would appear. Boy, those Palestinians will use any reason to stall the peace process, won’t they? A year? Give me a break.
(Washington Post)

All In The Family
Fritzl recalls start of incest family
"Ever since she entered puberty she did not adhere to any rules any more, she would spend whole nights in dingy bars, drinking alcohol and smoking," he said. By that logic, pretty much every teenager I know would be held captive in their basements and forced to have sex with their fathers.
(United Press International)

Delivering For Less
FedEx cuts profit forecast on fuel costs
It really is only the Arabian sheiks and big oil companies who get fat while the rest of us decide between eating and filling up our tanks.
(Reuters)

Stoned Pits
DMX Busted at Home for Pot, Pit Bulls
You mean DMX smokes weed and neglects his dogs? Who would have believed something so outrageous? Say hello to Michael Vick for me.
(E! Online)

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Pasta, Tequila, Chicken Pie, Mop and a Little Cocky Bastard

The reason our new mop doesn’t fit the bucket is, it was Cinco de Mayo.

We’ve got the third annual yankee boil coming up here in a few weeks, and we’re doing some work sprucing up downstairs and the backyard. Monday we ended up going to Home Depot and Linens & Things looking for shelf units for the downstairs bathroom and some brackets for the outdoor staircase handrail. By the time we were done we realized that it was close to 7:00 and we were hungry, so we ate at the Macaroni Grill right there by Linens & Things.

Monday, of course, was Cinco de Mayo, and I realized that as we were sitting down to our Italian feast at the Macaroni. Luckily, the bar makes some decent margaritas so I celebrated with a couple of them, ate my chicken with vodka cream sauce, paid the bill with my Visa card, and headed home.

Tuesday I realize I’d better go ahead and order Mom’s flowers for Sunday to make sure they get there on time. I go to flowers.com or whatever the site is and when I go to pay, I pull out my debit Mastercard. I was surprised that my Visa wasn’t right behind it like it usually is. I complete the transaction and look through my wallet. The Visa is nowhere in sight.

So I started thinking when was the last time I used it, and I remembered the Macaroni Grill the night before. I called them and, sure enough, they had it. When Bill got home, I mentioned that I was going back to the Grill to pick up my card and that I would pick us up a Harrow’s chicken pie for dinner on the way home.

Off I went. The chicken pie place is between the house and the Macaroni Grill, and I was almost there when the phone rang with Mikey’s (Bill’s nephew) number on it. Instead of Mikey, however, it was Michael, his dad (Bill’s brother), telling me to turn around and go pick Bill up. Apparently Bill left his phone at his store and couldn’t remember my cell phone number, so he called his brother who got my number off of Mikey’s phone. Rolling my eyes, I proceeded to get the chicken pie (they close early) and went all the way back to the house to pick up Bill.

Bill stated that the reason he changed his mind about coming with me is that he decided to get the shelf unit we were looking at the day before. We grabbed the card from Macaroni Grill and then headed over to Home Depot to get the shelf unit. When we walked in we saw the mops and Bill remembered that I was complaining about our mop so he suggested we get a new one. We got a nice one, too, so nice that it’s too big for our bucket. So now we need to get a new bucket. I think it’s a Home Depot conspiracy.

So, had it not been Cinco de Mayo, I might not have had the margaritas and not been so silly as to leave my Visa card behind, and we wouldn’t have gone back to Home Depot on Tuesday, and wouldn’t have bought a mop on impulse, and maybe would have measured the bucket before we went to purchase the mop. But I doubt it.




Way To Go, Matto!
Bill’s nephew Matt got a four-page story in the UMass Boston school paper. Check out the link below. Matty’s new nickname is “Face.” He loves it. He’s really doing great as you can find out by reading the article. By the way, in case you’re curious like I was, I asked him why his high school coach didn’t like him at first and he replied, “Because I was a little cocky bastard.” My next question was how was then any different from now, then I observed, “oh yeah, you’re not little anymore.” Fortunately, this was a phone conversation so I didn’t get punched. Yet.

Face of the Franchise

In all seriousness, though, Matt’s understated quotes in the article are not muted in any way. The big cocky bastard seems to prefer to let his performance on the field do his speaking for him these days. After his second or third meet this year, I asked him how he did, and he replied, “Alright” in a “whatever” kind of voice. Then the next day I read that he was named Rookie of the Week for his conference because of his stellar performance in that week’s meet. I guess when you got it, you don’t need to flaunt it, it flaunts itself for you.

Keep it up, Face. We’re rooting for ya!