Concert Week

It’s concert week. Phone rings today. I answer it.

ME: Boston Philharmonic

VOICE: Hi, I’m a subscriber. And I have my tickets. And they’re for Thursday. [PAUSE]

ME: Yes, ma’am?

VOICE: And I need to go Sunday.

ME: I’m sorry, ma’am, do you have incorrect tickets?

VOICE: No, I need to exchange my tickets for Sunday.

ME: Unfortunately, the deadline to exchange your tickets has passed. We no longer have tickets here in the office; they have all been allocated to the theatre box office.

VOICE: [PAUSE]

ME: Ma’am?

VOICE: But I need to go Sunday.

ME: I’m sorry that you missed the deadline, ma’am, perhaps you could share your Thursday tickets with friends and purchase new tickets for Sunday.

VOICE: I’m not sure I can go on Sunday.

ME: I’m sure there will be tickets available at the door.

VOICE: [PAUSE]

…
…
…
…
…

VOICE: What can I do?

ME: At this point, ma’am, we cannot exchange Thursday concert tickets.

VOICE: But I thought I could exchange.

ME: Yes, ma’am, but our exchange deadlines were mailed with your season tickets so that you would know to take care of them before they pass. We do not have any tickets in the office to be able to accommodate you. That is why the deadline is when it is.

VOICE: [PAUSE]

…
…
…

VOICE: Um

…
…

VOICE: I guess I’ll just have to figure something out.

ME: Have a great afternoon, ma’am.

[LINE DISCONNECTED]

What is wrong with people? Can’t they understand basic English? I was not spouting 25-cent words at this woman; I was speaking in the simplest and clearest possible language. I am so glad that my job doesn’t put me in constant contact with the public. I hated working at McDonald’s and in retail. And then when I worked at the UNO Jefferson Center, I had to deal with students and professors on a regular basis. You would think that tenured professors with PhDs would be able to understand simple English, but you would be incorrect.

Gah! Busy weekend coming up. I’ve got concerts tomorrow, Saturday, and Sunday, and Bill is working a gymnastics tournament so we’ll hardly see each other at all.

Way To Go!
Isn’t it nice when people turn their interests into vocations? My friend Mary just got a new job with the New Orleans Public Library Foundation. They raise money for the public library. Mary has always been a big advocate of the library, and brings her girls, Katie and Betsy, there on probably a weekly basis to check out books and videos.

So, and I apologize for the blatant solicitation, if anyone has an extra $200 million lying around, let me know and I’ll put you in touch with Mary so that she can be a hero on her first day.

Groan
Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you,” says Dolly.
"It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.