The Weekly Roundup

Cowards
Female bombers kill 72 at Baghdad pet markets
“U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice said the bombings underlined ‘the absolute bankruptcy and brutality’ of those who carried them out.” And she’s absolutely right. These sick bastards strapped bombs to women with Downs Syndrome and detonated them remotely. That is the most cowardly thing I have ever heard. They don’t have the balls to do it themselves so they coerce innocent people who don’t know any better. Is that honestly glorifying Allah?
(Reuters)

The Democrats
Obama criticizes Clinton for her Iraq vote
I’m worried about the Democrats this year. I haven’t yet decided if Obama has a personal agenda or not, and that scares me. I know that Hillary does have an agenda, and that’s what worries me about the Democrats. Hillary getting the nomination might be enough to force me to vote Republican again.
(MSNBC)

The Republicans
Romney's Comeback Plan Trumpets His Conservatism
The nightmare race would be Hillary against Mitt. I don’t know what I’d do then. Possibly move to Mexico. Trust me here, people, DO NOT VOTE FOR MITT ROMNEY!
(Wall Street Journal)

Yahoogates
Microsoft Offers to Buy Yahoo for $44.6 Billion
Version 105.66429 of Bill Gates’ plan to take over the world.
(Bloomberg)

Gross
Double Dipping... Yeah, It's Really That Bad
So just get the single-scoop Tostitos if you’re going to try your hand at my world-famous garbage dip for either Bacchus or the Super Bowl (recipe below).
(FOX)

I Knew It Was The Saints’ Fault
Diehard Sports Fans Face Heart Risk
Do yourself a favor—go to the zoo or something this Sunday.
(New York Times)

Bull
Merrill Lynch accused of fraud
I think the fact that they have agreed on a settlement pretty much admits wrongdoing, right? Maybe the company didn’t set out to defraud these people, but at least the fund managers did.
(BusinessWeek)

Spyfizzle
Spy scandal has not tainted Patriots' season says Goddell
Alright everybody, let’s get over it. We all know in our hearts that my adopted team did nothing that every other team hasn’t done themselves. The difference? The Pats got caught and they have to answer for it. Arlen Specter can jump straight up my ass. The Eagles are a dirty team, anyway.
(Guardian Unlimited)

Doin’ The Mambo
On the scene: Packed Bourbon prepares for parades
The good times are rolling in my hometown this weekend and early next week. One of these years I’ll make it back down for the celebration. Have fun everybody!
(Times-Picayune)

Garbage Dip
This is a dip that Shareen’s friend ‘Dre taught me how to make when we were all hanging out at their house one night. Over the years I’ve modified it to my liking and I’m sure you will, too. I made it one Super Bowl and it was such a hit that it’s become my Super Bowl tradition. Enjoy!

Garbage dip is never made the same way twice, nor is it ever the same color twice lol! Brown about a pound and a half (1½ pounds) of ground beef with one (1) small chopped yellow onion, one (1) bell pepper, about one-half (1/2) tablespoon of cayenne pepper (oh, hell, just put the whole tablespoon in there), and a couple (2 or so) dashes of cumin. In a large, microwave-safe bowl, mix one pound (16 ounces) of Velveeta (cut into cubes), about half (1/2) of a medium sized jar of Pace or Taco Bell medium salsa (oh, hell, put like ¾ of the jar; and use mild or hot if you’d rather; I like medium because it has just the right bite for my taste with the cayenne pepper), and the browned ground beef mixture. Stick the whole kit ‘n caboodle into the microwave and turn it on high for about 5 minutes or so. Check it every now and then because every microwave is different. Make sure the Velveeta is completely melted. Stir it all around. The color will range anywhere from yellowish to reddish to pinkish, depending on how much of what you’ve used. Just go with it. Serve with Tostitos.

Groan
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."