Friday, October 5, 2007

The Weekly Roundup

I thought a fun little regular feature might be to gather up the interesting news headlines at the end of the week and do what professional journalists do; that is, to give you my biased and highly distorted views on what's going on in the world. I can't promise you that this will happen every Friday, but we'll see what comes of it.

Clothing Wars
New Jersey's Continental Arena to Become Izod Center
Never mind the airlines and the office supplies, it’s the sportswear companies that are taking over the stadiums now. They must sell a LOT of spandex to be able to afford this!

Cautious Optimism
NHC sees no tropical cyclones in Gulf of Mexico
Good news from the hurricane center, at least for now. Only a few more weeks until we can all breathe easy again for awhile.

There Goes the Beef
Meat Company Going Out of Business After Recall
Bad news for the Topps Meat Company, not to mention their suppliers. Some small towns are going to take a serious hit because of this.
(NY Times)

Hurts No Good
Secret U.S. Endorsement of Severe Interrogations
This is great news because, of course, the only way democracy can truly work is in secret. What kills me is, we can use whatever interrogation techniques we want unless they result in pain equaling “organ failure or even death.” How do you suggest we measure the “even death” part? Which dead person should we dig up first to ask them how much pain is too much? I love my country, but I’m mighty embarrassed by it sometimes.
(NY Times)

Holy Mackerel!
Fish Safe for Pregnant Women to Eat
Good news for all of my New Orleans ladies still in their child-bearing years!
(US News & World Report)

Should I Stay or Should I Go?
Craig's decision to stay a headache for GOP
I don’t know what to think about Larry Craig. I guess if David Vitter doesn’t have to resign for sleeping with prostitutes, why should Craig have to step down for waving his hand? Doesn’t make much sense, does it? I wonder if Larry belongs to the Homosexual Republicans Organization (motto: “We disapprove of our own lifestyle!”)

Where’s Horatio Caine When You Need Him?
Fourth bullet casing found on boat whose crew vanished
You just know a “ripped from the headlines” episode is in the works already.

Barry Bonds Gets to Keep His Asterisk, Right?
A look at the key figures in the BALCO steroids scandal
That’s a shame about Marion Jones; I always thought she was sincere. Normally, I think that people using drugs, performance-enhancing and otherwise, should just be left alone to suffer their Darwinian fate. But when there are competitions at stake, I guess you should try to make as level a playing field as possible while still promoting safe practices.
(USA Today)

Jimmy Carter Redux
Rice to Shuttle Between Israelis, Palestinians
Condi Rice is going over to referee between the Palestinians and the Israelis. Is it just me, or is the same thing happening to GW that happened to Clinton and Reagan? Seems like lately, after a president has served about seven years and has one left, suddenly he thinks he can bring about peace in the middle east. Is this another case of “legacy searching?”
(VOA News)

Oral Arguments
Scandal Brewing at Oral Roberts
When Lindsay Roberts, wife of Oral Roberts’ University’s President and CEO Richard Roberts who is the son of founder Oral, has to put her Mercedes convertible in the shop, what does she do? Maybe she rolls her eyes and says, “I guess I’ll have to use the Lexus SUV this week.” But at least God told her husband that the allegations of her text messaging “underage males” is bogus.
(AP via Yahoo News)

In honor of the Yankees' second postseason loss, I will share with you the second story sent to me by the beautiful Kendra.

A family of New York Yankee fans headed out one Saturday to shop for the youngest boy's birthday. While in the sports shop the son picks up a Red Sox jersey and says to his older sister, "I've decided to become a Red Sox fan and I would like this Boston Red Sox jersey for my birthday."

His big sister is outraged by this and promptly whacks him upside his head and says, "Go talk to mother."

Off goes the little lad with the jersey in hand and finds his mother. "Mom?"

"Yes, son?"

"I've decided I'm going to be a Red Sox fan and I would like this jersey for my birthday."

The mother is outraged at this, promptly whacks him around the head and says, "Go talk to your father!"

Off he goes with the Red Sox jersey in hand and finds his father. "Dad?"

"Yes, son?"

"I've decided I'm going to be a Red Sox fan and I would like this jersey for my birthday."

The father is outraged and promptly whacks his son in the back of his head and says, "No son of mine is ever going to be seen in THAT!"

About half an hour later they're all back in the car and heading towards home. The father turns to his son and says "Son, I hope you've learned something today?"

The son says, "Yes, Dad, I have."

"Good! And what is it you learned?"

The son replies, "I've only been a Red Sox fan for an hour and I already hate you Yankee bastards!"

No comments: